I hate being asked this question. It always makes me feel defensive (possibly because it’s not a nice question) like raising two children, well, keeping them alive isn’t good enough.
Happily DH doesn’t ask me this anymore. Possibly because the only time he did I went crazy. May have cried, and ranted, and cried.
Today has been one of those days (already) which makes me question what I’ve achieved. At work you have KPIs which say “well done, you don’t totally suck” at home with the kids you don’t have anything like that. E seems to barely tolerant me sometimes (well, not really, I’m just not his dad who is his best friend.) and H is going through some kinda growth spurt which involves crying and being clingy. I’d be lost without my wrap.
But today E told me he likes me more than Mr Maker (who apparently he loves) and H gave me a smile. I go back to work 10 weeks tomorrow. Part of me feels like I should be cherishing every minute, the other part thinks that I’m not good at this staying home business and I can’t wait to go back to work where I’m respected, and listened to, and I can pee in peace! I don’t know anyone else who has split the Mat leave like we have, and then the dad going part time, maybe that adds to the general “what are we thinking?” feeling. I worry that when I’m actually working and not spending all the time with the boys they’ll forget me in some way, or just not want me around. What if being with H is the only chance I have to be the favourite parent for one of my kids? I’m only being semi-serious with that question. I should find out this week what shifts I’ll be on when I go back, then it will feel more real.
Anyway, here is a picture of H smiling away. Taken yesterday and he’s 10 weeks tomorrow.